Realization
by Urponator
Summary: "After rain the world would always feel like it was just brimming with itself; all the colors and scents were overflowing and everything was so beautiful." "Someone once told him that there were things in the world he could do nothing about." Two short stories somewhat connected, written originally for prompts in Tumblr. KomaHina. Heavy spoilers for the game.
1. Petrichor

**Petrichor - The smell of dry rain on the ground. **

After rain the world would always feel like it was just brimming with itself; all the colors and scents were overflowing and everything was so beautiful. Komaeda loved the moments after the rain; he loved to see the world brim after the dull and dark rain.

Yes, the way the world blossomed after rain was the exact same way his fellow students blossomed after every trial, after every murder, after being enveloped in the sadness and despair from losing another friend and losing the trust they had barely built in each other again.

Komaeda didn't know anything more beautiful than seeing his classmates find the strength in their hearts again, building their trust in each other from the beginning again, to see them filled with hope that another murder would not come to pass… And after each and every trial they seemed more and more amazing.

And even though he had prepared himself to be a stepping stone, thought it was just a required thing to be hated by his fellow students, he had been thoroughly surprised when one of them had tried to understand him. One student had found enough hope from his heart even for a lower-class person such as he was.

It was something Komaeda had never experienced; he had never met anyone before who had had even a tiny speck of hope in _him_, and it had thrown his feelings into a slight chaos. He managed to keep the chaos from stopping him, from straying him away from his purpose, from being a tool for hope.

But when he found out the unfortunate truth, found out that his dear symbols of hope had betrayed him… Even if he knew the truth about this one person, he knew that there was _no significance to his words, _still every memory he had with him made him feel like that maybe, maybe, maybe, just maybe there was some _hope _inside of him, that maybe he could still atone for having been consumed by despair, that maybe there was some way that even _he _could save them all from being driven into despair again…

That he could become hope himself.

These thoughts were driving him forward and forward as he made his plan, put it into motion, and waited. Waited for the end to come. He couldn't stop himself from smiling.

Only when he heard the fire grenades crashing, he felt a tint of fear. His sacrifice might not add up to anything. His cycle had always made everything equal nothing in the end, and it might do it this time. He might be dying for nothing.

But he wanted to have hope. This was the only way he could at least try to do something good, to bring hope into this world.

As the poison filled his lungs, he thought of Hinata. He thought of the rain, he thought of the beauty of the world, and he thought of the beauty of his hope. At the same time he wished Hinata would find some hope in his sacrifice, and at the same time he somewhat hoped Hinata would finally succumb to the despair after being betrayed by him for the last time.

During his last breath, he realized he wanted to see the world after his sacrifice. He realized he could never witness the hope his death might arise, he could never witness the beauty of the world and he could never ever again have anyone tell him they wanted to understand him.

He realized he didn't want to die.


	2. Ayurnamat

**Ayurnamat - The philosophy that there is no point in worrying about events that cannot be changed.**

Hinata could faintly remember that someone once told him that there were things in the world he could do nothing about. He couldn't bring his goldfish back to life, he would just have to get over it. He couldn't affect the time when his relatives would arrive to his birthday party, he could only wait for them. He couldn't force himself to like some people, he'd just have to put up with the boy next door and try not to show he hated him.

The chair was cold as he sat on it. For a moment he only looked at the pale, sleeping form of Komaeda. Looking at him now, Hinata couldn't see any trace of the madness that had seemed to haunt him, he could only see a broken young boy.

The closed eyes felt like they'd break his heart, so he buried his face into the bed sheets. Most of the other students had woken up, their memories more or less intact. But no one had woken up in a long time now, and some were already starting to suspect that the rest wouldn't wake up.

Souda had once said that it would be better if Komaeda wouldn't wake up. Hinata could still feel his knuckles tingling from punching him. However, he knew many thought the same. He was the only one who ever visited, and that made him angry and sad at the same time.

Komaeda had done a lot of things wrong. But Hinata couldn't help but feel sympathy, couldn't help but pity him. To some degree, he could even understand Komaeda, he could understand the wish to be something more, the wish to be looked up to and the wish to be cared about. He could remember Komaeda's words, could remember how he had opened up about himself and his past, and whenever he thought that if it hadn't been lies, if it had been the truth then…

There were things he couldn't affect. He couldn't change Komaeda's past, he couldn't go back in time and find him as a small boy. And he couldn't affect the fact that Komaeda might never wake up. He could just hope that he would.

Hope. The one thing Komaeda had loved, the only thing that had brought comfort to the pale boy. And now it was the only thing that gave comfort to Hinata as he took Komaeda's hand into his and just prayed, pressing the cold and unmoving hand against his forehead.

He remembered being told that he shouldn't worry about the things he couldn't change. That he should just let the world walk the tracks it would and live his own life. No matter how much he worried, no matter how much he cried, no matter how much he sat here, Komaeda wouldn't wake up any faster.

But when he thought about moving on, doing anything else than wait…

It felt like betrayal. He didn't want to stop caring, he didn't want to stop worrying. He wanted to sit here for hours holding Komaeda's hand so that maybe, _maybe _he would wake up feeling like someone did love him. Hinata didn't want him to wake up to an empty room, feeling worthless and abandoned.

So he'd sit here for hours upon hours, and he would keep worrying for every minute he was awake, and he would most definitely smile the happiest smile he ever had when one day Komaeda's eyes would finally flutter open.

He desperately wanted to feel the bony fingers hold his back, wanted to hear that soft voice and when he would, he was going to show Komaeda all the love and beauty in the world.

He would show him all the hope that his death had caused.

Someone once told him that he was stubborn. And that's the only thing they ever got right.


End file.
